If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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