What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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