Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone came in the potted fern
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize