Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
