my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
