i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize