Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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