this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
