Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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