When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
