Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
