hell yes lets make some ravioli
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
