how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
