Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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