God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
