one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
