I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
