to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
