Got a toothbrush?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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