i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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