Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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