You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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