after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
