Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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