I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
