my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
