I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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