Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
