Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
