So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
