i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
