Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is my gift to your gina
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize