my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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