I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
