you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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