It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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