Farmville is her only friend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
