I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i love accidental penises.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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