I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he fucked my hip out of place.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just high enough for therapy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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