i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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