You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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