If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Someone came in the potted fern
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
