I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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