I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
