Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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