Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
