I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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