what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize