I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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