how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
