So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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