if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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