he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
