At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
