my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
