Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Found your dick twin last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
