I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
