We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
