My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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