Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
