i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
