my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
