if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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