Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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