You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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