My brain says no but my pants say off.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
