I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
