He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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