And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
