I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
