I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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