I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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