I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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