Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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