I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
