Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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