And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
