You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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